Well, darn.

I found a way to access my old LJ albums, but then discovered the pics I really wanted were stored on my personal website which...I think I relinquished access to back around 2012, and which was never archived...

DAMMIT.

I didn't think to download it before they went bye byes.

There's a part of me that wonders if I have the old HDs which contained photos from...oh, a decade ago, plus probably change.

Anyway, reading through my old LJ entries has been a blast. So many people, many of whom vanished from the intarwebs, some of whom may have renamed and just not kept up, some of whom I am vaguely in contact with...and some of who have migrated over to DW and are still here!

Amazing.

--

So cousin will not be doing Christmas at his place this year - it's an 'off' year with his wife's family. So we are no-go for Christmas Day.

My options are:
1. Quietly do nothing.
2. Volunteer.
3. Offer to host for 'orphans'

I will most likely end up at #1.

It's a bit late to volunteer, and I asked a friend (birthday twin) who has no family here in Sydney if she and her family would like to come around for Christmas lunch, but she has guests and a lot of things are up in the air for her. I might put up an invite for a local 'host a sister' meet up, but I doubt that anyone will want to meet with a stranger on Christmas Day.

It might be time to accept that the 'relatives Christmas' will only be happening every second year from now on and to plan accordingly. *sigh*

I don't have social anxiety, I have acceptance anxiety. Like, even with friends and people I've known for years, there's a part of me that has major friendship imposter syndrome: "what if they discover that they don't really like me after all?"

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Tressie McMillan Cottom is a joy:

Behold the decade of mid tech!

That is what I want to say every time someone asks me, "WHat about A.I.?" with the breathless anticipation of a boy who thinks this is the summer he finally gets to touch a boob.

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I'm so so tired right now. Just in a permanent state of exhaustion.

Yesterday afternoon, I explained to my sister about 'climate change adaptation' and the phase that we're going into. She listened, but I don't think she really heard.

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I'm in a bit of a bodily self-hating stage right now after putting on about 5kg during my trip. Everything works fine, but the abdominal fat is frustrating me. So is the fact that all the Reformer Pilates classes are taught by women who might weigh 2/3 of me if they were dressed in heavy clothes and soaking wet.

"No, I can't do that move, my belly gets in the way."

Unfortunately, I suspect the only way to lose those kg is through food restriction, which I hate. It would involve removing sugary things entirely, probably for a long period. Ugh.

"Diet starts after new year"?

--

A giant tree in my front yard may be dying. It doesn't seem to be re-leafing as smoothly as it usually does, particularly in the crown, and after a heatwave yesterday, it's dropped a whole lot more leaves, many of them green.

More than anything else, this is stressing me right now. I don't know how old the tree is, but it's been there since we moved in, a giant bulwark against the south and the west. Just on top of everything else, it's unnerving seeing the bare upper branches of it.